Different.

It past midnight now, and I am seriously overthinking lately.

I think I am being hard towards myself and start asking myself what should I do with myself? I really hate blogging this kind of stuff but I somehow feel soooooooo (how do I put myself in words?) disappointed in me. I deeply mean, I feel so terrible.

I hate myself for being so anxious like this.

‘Am I being too hard on them?’

‘I should be less heartless, I should give in sometimes.’

These sometimes, being a routine. Eventually, becoming a habit of mine that destructively poisoned me inside.

‘It’s okay.’

‘If you are in minority, follow the majority. You’ll be safe that way.’

‘If something happened, closed your mouth and so your eyes. Nothing ever happen right?’

‘You have to follow and be okay for this and that kind of stuff, so you’ll be more likeable and have many friends.’

Comments on me:

‘You are unapproachable. I don’t like you.’

‘You are so cold hearted!’

‘Sombonggg..’

…..

OH MANNNN.

If and only if people really know why do some people never being too nice with the others, why do some people never let themselves have the gut to be as open or easy going as they actually can be, people would be so surprised at how actually they can do them well. The unfair stigma towards them is so unjust because I whose are a part of them, can really see the bad(s) and danger(s) both in me and people surround me when I act like that.

Outspoken. Too honest. Too firm. MANNNNNNNN!??!??

Oh, I hope I do stay that way. ( It is so selfish of me to stay so true to myself?) No, I’m not being stubborn. I do see my own lacking(s) . But, to say the truth straightforwardly and really at peace later is just good, rather than take a safe route saying good and talk back later. I just can’t take that so-called-safe-route. Why living yourself like that? It feels so trapped. Don’t you?

Silent on something need to be defended is not so me. I can’t brain this too.

Oh, toxic please go away.

I got lost in the deep sea of toxic.

Anyone who is feeling terrible like I am, here are the words from MindPlatter that i think can comfort us a lot. (Ig @najwazebian)

Don’t give them a taste of their own medicine. They already know what it tastes like, so give them the taste of your own medicine.

If they lied, let your medicine be honesty. If they played with your emotions, let your medicine be maturity. If they broke you, let your medicine heals… If they made you cry, let your medicine make them smile.

These remedies of yours may take years to work, but they work. And they last. So be patient. Stay true to yourself. And remember this; it is better for people to value you for who you are not for who you pretend to be. Who you are, lasts a lifetime. Who you are pretend to be, changes like the change in seasons.

Oh regardless, they are people who warmly accept me the way I am. ( no guys, i’m not being dipulaukan or whatsoever hehe. It just that my thoughts and me he.)

Disclaimer: It has nothing to do with anyone. Just me and my midnight thoughts. No offend.

BYE.

#nomoreemotionalblogpost

#nomoreemotionalblogpost

#nomoreemotionalblogpost

REAL BYE.

Hey, semangat!

“I’m too busy doing my routines. When will I have a chance to live my dream?” – Anis Atthirrah, 21 tahun, mahasiswi yang masih dilanda keraguan.

 

Hi, today is motivation day(?)!! Since tomorrow I have no class except for a lecture on final year project writing report, here I am 😀  Tuesday finally become my favourite day of the week (no class in the evening, no class for tomorrow morning!! Please jealous guys! hehehe no no i’m joking) Good energy, done doing some tasks earlier and now blogging time (with a mug of white coffee heavenly yummyy).

I have to admit, how difficult it is to be in a good mood all day. How much struggles it takes for everyone to be so positive when sometimes, things look all crumbling in front of you and some people yeah ermm kinda make us feeling unwanted-ly small.

No blaming, no hating, no revenge. Some things and people aren’t mean it the way we see them. That’s how life actually is. So tell ourselves good and pretty words. Because you know, that’s how it works. Don’t dwell on it too long and move on. It is more calming that way 😀

Dear self,

‘Balik ke prinsip awal. Kerja sekeras-kerasnya, usaha sebesar-besarnya, dan berdoa sebanyak-banyaknya.’

‘If you have any chances, go grab them. Don’t you ever doubt yourself and have faith in yourself, you’ll surely work them out! ‘

‘Setelah ujian itu seperti sebelum ujian. Hidup itu akan terus berjalan. Selesai ujian, bukan bererti tamat. Kita bakal menempuh ujian lagi, dan harus belajar lagi. Lagi dan lagi…’

‘Studying so hard to be the best for myself and to create my future that I’ve been dreaming of.’

‘kalau hidup itu bukan cuma tentang saya, saya, dan saya.’

‘I will graduate soon enoughhh!!!’

 

 

I’m on my way to success. Semangat, Nis.

done caffeinated. bye.

Little Things

Hi!

A week into second-semester-third-year-student with PSM things and i’m GOODDD 😀

I’m GOOODDD.

I’m GOOOD.

I’m good.

Okay, tipu je, not so good because i can’t even brain my project-related-articles and i myself can’t even properly figure out what myself don’t understand either ishh. It just make me soooo tensed! But, it’s okay hehe buat teruk je tu because a day or two reading time won’t make me a true genius right? hoho. You still get a whole semester left to understand your robot heee.

Since one of my 2017’s resolution is giving back to community, i think i want to share with you guys the easiest things/ways that we can actually do without the need of money, things, tools and etc.

Disclaimer : This is my personal opinion based on my preferences, lifestyle, facilities around me, and whatever i find them as the most convenient way for me to achieve the objective regardless. So, feel free to share with me little things you guys did/practice/etc. It should help me a lot to be a little more better person. Oh, i want to restate it again, it is my personal opinion, so merely it just the way i think it is regardless how unsuitable/unfit it is to some people hoho. Okay, let’s start!

  1. GARBAGE

Ye, sampah. Garbage, trash, waste, rubbish or whatever you call it, can be one of the easiest way to giving the community back. Since i currently staying in residential area, (i’m not a hostel student anymore pheww), i notice that the garbage men will collect all the garbage once or twice per week. So, i think everyone already know the system; that each house is given a garbage can. We all know that how is everyone’s not liking bad or rotten smell, dirty yet sticky places/things and obviously the whatever insects coming from wastes. I myself don’t even like it. So, it goes the same with them, garbage collector regardless their occupation. What i am trying to say is that, can we make things easier for them? No, i don’t mean to keep the rubbish to yourself, it would be too ridiculous that way. Can we at least make the garbage (how do i say this?) neater? I mean all of the garbage is put into one big plastic bag and not to throw it one by one into garbage can. All of unused bottles of drinks, softlan, etc can be put into one plastic beg or box. (okay this sounds so spm essay hahaha) No surprise, there are people doing it. The water in want-to-throw-away water bottle can be cleared-up first by pouring the water inside to the sink or drain. The left-over soup of lauk pauk, the drink of ikat tepi, bungkus or all kind of minuman dalam bungkus plastik can also be thrown first and only then, we throw it into garbage can. This way, the garbage can be a lot less insect, tidier(?) in way of making it easy to them, and less sticky. If we can’t help the whole society, we can always start off by helping a part of the society; community (garbage collector).

2. TEACHING

This is the best way i tell you. Oh no, no need to get an official registration but we still can be a teacher. We can teach anyone and anything we want. If we are good at something regardless whatever field it is, be it in football, wiring, surviving(?), cooking or education field, then there we go. We can always teaching because life itself is a learning process. No need to be as an expert as Messi (is he? I don’t know football player much hehe) as a football player in order to teach others. I mean yes, you have to know the basic tho but the thing is you can always teach the first step; how actually to kick a ball to a beginner. Something-like-that. Teaching your neighbor a simple mathematics equation for free. Or you can always maybe ask your neighbour’s child ‘Eh, 1+1 berapa?’ (of a three years old kid) and when they shake their head not knowing the answer, here you go, ‘okay kalau orang tanya jawab 2 k?’ and makesure to ask them again and let them answer the quest frequently. Their eager-want-to-know nature will rise even more and this make them want to explore more and more. Try it guys!.

Okay, i have to go.

Don’t forget to share what you guys do too!!

BYE.

Blessed 2016 & Hi 2017

Hi! I’m quite on roll these days! Hihi. 😀 (February means new semester, so I don’t know if i can update my blog as much as i do now, *look at my January posts, i am even impressive with myself HAHAHA). Before the semester break is ending, here is my thought on 2016.

To the last day of my shining twenty-one, my 2016, I have felt so much happiness during 2016 year that i barely move on up till now. So many good memories, kind people and achievement (both academic and personal) throughout the year. I don’t know about others’ thought on 2016, but i really thankful for all the blessing. 😀

I’m not sure what exactly 2016 did to me but i think i grew up pretty mature in the way i see something (not much but getting better), the way i socialize with people, they way i tolerate with patience-level-test people, how i achieve my 2016’s goals are undeniably amazing side of myself hiii, and i don’t know how to thank all those mentioned and unmentioned kind people out there that have been helped me A LOTTT. From family, coursemates, lecturers and even strangers! Thank you GUYS!

Allah that made all things easier for me in 2016, all praises to You and I learnt to be humble and grateful through those lessons and things granted. I doesn’t want to brag or be so proud of myself, or showing off these and those by writing here, but i wanna save all the good and happy memories that brought a lot of lessons for me, here.

To that day that i was assigned to my current PA (something like mentor-mentee that assigned  randomly during first day of registration), who is soooooo kind and gooooood person was Allah’s work when i actually  asked for female PA, and things just turned out the way it was fated, and i am humbly grateful. (there is a hidden story that day, I will remember this storyyyy forever) My friends got complaint a bit about their PA being tak kisah, garang and all (that were during first year days but now everyone was all good and no more complaint hehe) but i am the lucky one to be chooosen as one of the student’s under such as good PA. Alhamdulillah. Oh, my PA also now is my SV (supervisor for psm or fyp project) and i got accepted as the first psm’s student under my SV anddd got a project too, (lets all pray to me for not being lazyy and give all the best i can hiii) while there were many rejected students for this fyp because some lecturers even asked for proposal omggg, having hard time to find the sv just because almost supervisors are fully booked and need to extend their semester in campus after final when everyone else is already in hometown. Find strength, i know you guys will do it, and even better!

To lecturers who have faith in me (i’m not that skillful pretty much just a normal hardworking student and not that brilliant just okaylah student) from lab, lectures up to psm despite i am this much lacking, thank you for giving me such as trust 😀  Thank you for giving me such an honour when you contacted me to do psm under you with specific project when everyone else already asks the spots under youu and i am just pray that i have choose the best one ( i already have psm project and sv that time), and the good student will take that project and may Allah eases everything sir! Thank you fr remember me and did saved me a spot under you 😀 *tearful* Vision’s project lets do well with my cute micromouse robot in the making hehew. Oh, that one lecturer, thank you for reply me an email with full of hope, full of respect and i am looking forward to be such a good person as you sir. I will cherish and read the email when i feels hopeless and lost. May Allah reward your good job sir! Also, my lab’s lecturer that always push us to do lab so fast and said that my partner and I always did our best when we were basically just asked everyone’s help. Thank you sir 😀 Ahh, another one lecturer also in the list because he was literally the one that made me to push my potential to the fullest, when i basically have the love-hate realtionship with the machine language (if you know what subject i mean). I learn to love that subject when it took almost our long weekend and sleepless night with nonstop assignments with so detail report that have been sent-rejected-sent-corrected-sent-atlastacceptedwithnofullmarks ouuuchhhhh but that’s it, that’s made my heart even grow fonder into this subject. I learn it the hardest way, and i admit it that it was the best learning period i ever had so far that i kinda miss those pressure hehehe. Currently, i heard that sir is continuiting his study in PHD level in UTM  (or UTHM not sure hehe) rn so i pray and wish you THE BEST sir! Come back with PHD and teach our generation with your method heheeee 😀 Sure, everyone is so into codinggg after thisss hehehe. Oh, sir is so kind that he always in check with his students with my coursemates;  PBL, assignments and PSM. Thank you sir for your undivided concern! We will work hard 😀

Okay enough for academic achievement and i will keep the personal achievement to myself; it’s better that way hehe.

2017, HI!

Oh, i’m late. I know. A month late hahahaha. It’s okay. Who cares lewls. Oh? 2017 resolution? Mine?

We are all growing old together. From 1 month to 1 years old, from 80 to 81, and i from 21 to 22. Everyone is pretty much the same. I’m just hoping we are not growing old those in number and physical only, but also mainly the mentality. Let’s have a great a mentality. A great one.

I want becoming a wall for myself. The twenties are the most shining days of anyone’s life and  I has to be the only person who is responsible for it. Yes, I want my twenties to be truly shining, Aminn.

Lets go out from our comfort zone. Lets try new thing, gain new experience and make new friends. I have been introvert all my life and its time to make a few more friends (can I?)

Lets be ON TIME. Lets appreciate our precious time. Lets be punctual and make it your habit, anisss. Lets go to class earlier and prepare for your class and lets not chatting or scrolling yr phone in between. Have respect to your time. (wahh. so strict hahaha)

Read a lot. You can travel the world through reading! Expand your thoughts and be open. You can’t be the new person if you stay with the same way of thinking  because you didn’t know what’s the real problem is if you stay within your circle.

Lets improving. Lets have a bigger dream and make it happen.

Ignore whatever people said, they don’t know you.

Just do it, even when everyone complaint it was so hardddddd. Just don’t listen to them.

If you don’t like something, walk away. Don’t waste your time.

Don’t be materialistic, focus on improving yourself 😀

Lets gain new skills and improving on what we already have and lets giving back to community. #cantwait

Good luck aniss.

Let’s be better everyone 😀

Bye, DIFFERENT.