It past midnight now, and I am seriously overthinking lately.
I think I am being hard towards myself and start asking myself what should I do with myself? I really hate blogging this kind of stuff but I somehow feel soooooooo (how do I put myself in words?) disappointed in me. I deeply mean, I feel so terrible.
I hate myself for being so anxious like this.
‘Am I being too hard on them?’
‘I should be less heartless, I should give in sometimes.’
These sometimes, being a routine. Eventually, becoming a habit of mine that destructively poisoned me inside.
‘If you are in minority, follow the majority. You’ll be safe that way.’
‘If something happened, closed your mouth and so your eyes. Nothing ever happen right?’
‘You have to follow and be okay for this and that kind of stuff, so you’ll be more likeable and have many friends.’
Comments on me:
‘You are unapproachable. I don’t like you.’
‘You are so cold hearted!’
If and only if people really know why do some people never being too nice with the others, why do some people never let themselves have the gut to be as open or easy going as they actually can be, people would be so surprised at how actually they can do them well. The unfair stigma towards them is so unjust because I whose are a part of them, can really see the bad(s) and danger(s) both in me and people surround me when I act like that.
Outspoken. Too honest. Too firm. MANNNNNNNN!??!??
Oh, I hope I do stay that way. ( It is so selfish of me to stay so true to myself?) No, I’m not being stubborn. I do see my own lacking(s) . But, to say the truth straightforwardly and really at peace later is just good, rather than take a safe route saying good and talk back later. I just can’t take that so-called-safe-route. Why living yourself like that? It feels so trapped. Don’t you?
Silent on something need to be defended is not so me. I can’t brain this too.
Oh, toxic please go away.
I got lost in the deep sea of toxic.
Anyone who is feeling terrible like I am, here are the words from MindPlatter that i think can comfort us a lot. (Ig @najwazebian)
Don’t give them a taste of their own medicine. They already know what it tastes like, so give them the taste of your own medicine.
If they lied, let your medicine be honesty. If they played with your emotions, let your medicine be maturity. If they broke you, let your medicine heals… If they made you cry, let your medicine make them smile.
These remedies of yours may take years to work, but they work. And they last. So be patient. Stay true to yourself. And remember this; it is better for people to value you for who you are not for who you pretend to be. Who you are, lasts a lifetime. Who you are pretend to be, changes like the change in seasons.
Oh regardless, they are people who warmly accept me the way I am. ( no guys, i’m not being dipulaukan or whatsoever hehe. It just that my thoughts and me he.)
Disclaimer: It has nothing to do with anyone. Just me and my midnight thoughts. No offend.