17 HIGHLIGHTS OF THE YEAR

 

Hi! I’m back! Hehe. I just want to do a year throwback here! Can i? hahaha. 2017 has come to end and i am wishing for a better us, the better days ahead of our life! May our 2018 becomes lit and we are all shining the brightest in our own way! 2017, here I go!

1.New Year celebration! 20162017. I have never celebrate my new year outside and never want pun hahaha but this year I’ve celebrated it with my housemates! Pretty much a fun experience but honestly, there’s nothing much other than pretty fireworks. I hope that was my first and last new year celebration outdoor. Hahahaha. Not that I’m not loving the idea of fireworks and making memories with friends but, I need to be honest with myself that I love to celebrate it indoor more than anything. I just like to simply celebrate it with just myself, a book (diary), an inspiring song on repeat and a coffee. Planning roughly a year goals and more to self-improvement list. I like to go to that page the every next day of the year, to keep myself back to the root. Isn’t more meaningful and it just give me strength! Hahaha. Mmm, the pictures are all missing (pretty sure I don’t know where they are since there are too many pics!)

2.First Day Last Sem at Campus. This semester is my last semester at UTeM, and next semester would be my internship (6 months omg) and then my degree life is just complete! *cant wait!* My first day of this semester are ridiculously hilarious. I just had one lecture that day and we all (girl classmates) went straight to Bandar. Who on earth in their final year have that one class that doesn’t reached 30 mins mark pun, and straight away having fun till night. Hahaha. It was just so fun!

3.Dean Award Event. Alhamdulillah. I made it again this semester too and my friends did well too! I am so grateful to have it and attending my last Dean Award event at UTeM make me feels so touching. Why UTeM song lyrics is sooo good that I got a goosebump singing it during that day and it gave me such a extra extra good and positive energy. I even downloaded it and listened to it on repeat during my psm days guys, I swear it is true. LOL. The best part of attending this event was that the feeling and motivation that you got after this event. It was a good feeling ever! 😍😍

4. Sleep at Nisa’s house. The best part are sleeping (bilik nisa sejuknya ya Allah), satay and all pasar malam’s food are my palam’s fav food so happy so yummy, and sidai baju together hahahaha. That was so weird and cute memories that I will cherish it forever!

5.PSM-I presentation day. (I regret it so much, all pictures are broken dont know why, need to work hard and buy a camera pfft). Alhamdulillah I got an A for my beloved subject. Thank you, SV and panel yang baik hati 😀

6.PSM-II presentation day. I really love my final year project that if I have time to improve my final year project, I will definitely do so! IAllah. My FYP is about a maze solving robot. If anyone here curious or interested about it, you guys can youtube it since there are many videos about it. Too lazy to upload hahaha.

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7.FTK Spoc Day. Finally, I played chess again. Last time I played it when I was in Standard 5 or 6. It was fun to do things we scared to do. The team was a very good team, from the team manager to the players! I will cherish this team members forever!

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8.SAF(Sukan Antara Fakulti) CHESS. I have always wanted to be cheered by everyone too. Hahaha. Tak lah, it always been my dream to be apart of SAF team since my very first SAF days in my first year degree. I have always watched games and support them esp if they are any of my classmates in any of those games for years. Otherwise, I don’t go watch pun hahaha. I always think that athletes are super cool. If they are boys, they look handsomest and if they are girls, they look prettiest during their game. I don’t know why I have been adoring so many athletes ever since my childhood days kut hahaha. So, to be apart of this SAF team this year, my chess team even got silver medal for my faculty, and my faculty even get first place, is very an indescribable feeling i’ve ever had. So proud, so lucky, so grateful I am. I even happily joined the perbarisan team for athletes. My usual timid self did not feel shy at all at that time but just happy hahaha. I guessed that it must because I’ve always wanted to do this. I felt so good!

9.SCHIAVONAxSYTRA. I met people that I love so much during my high school days and even till now I am grateful that they are friends of mine. I really miss high school days. The best part of high school days of mine are USRAH and DHUHA time!

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10. Angah’s Convocation Day. Congratulation for graduating prettily. I love you so much, you are such inspiration! Can’t wait for Along’s convo too!

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11. August babies Birthday Celebration. Thank you everyone for putting much effort! Got a lot of presents too! Thank you!! 😍😍💛

12.BBQ with Housemates. Who ever thought that BBQ could be this humble hahahaha. No fancy foods or places but it turns out so good. Tomyam, baked potato and sausage, also maggi are simply everyone’s fav! Thanks housemate!

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13. Malacca with siblings. Thank you Angah and Along for coming here despite inconvenience. I’m such a happy kid. Cause after this I don’t know when will we ever coming back to Malacca. TT

14.Buka puasa event with classmates. This is our last breakfasting together. Tsk tsk. Thank you everyone for coming despite final exam during last semester. Kampung morten is so pretty!

15.Makan makan event with PA. Our PA is the best! Thank you Cik Salihin!

16.Retreat. The best event BETR ever did!

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17. 2017, me.

Alhamdulillah, all praises belong to Allah. Dear family, lecturers and friends, thank you for making my year complete! I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you in any way. Everyone, let’s make our 2018 shine the brightest!

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love,2017. hope, 2018.

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A lie I told myself

Hi.. How have you been? Is everything okay?..

Mine was hectic and probably gonna get busier. I am telling myself if I’m not doing my very best now, I will definitely regret this later. If I always complaining this and that (although I still did that sometimes), nothing changes. That’s why I restrain myself from blogging these couple of months, cause I might doing this complaining stuff. Oh, I’m sorry, this better be a good post.

So, my weekend is full of classes now since I’m currently taking my license wuhuu. (I am so proud of myself, I’m not a multitasker but doing such things in the middle of FYP days make me feels even amazed at myself, you go gals) I usually a self-critic person, (I think many of us are like this) but seeing me doing multitasking things like these, I developed a self-pity for me? I swear I have never ever had a feeling like that before. I usually very strict on myself but look at me now, ‘You are doing great, dear self.’

‘You are doing great, dear self.’

and..it is actually a total lie. We all know the truth of the few weeks left before PSM D-Day, and the majority of us are in despair with our projects. (or it is probably just me) The unhealthy meals per day, the unhealthy 3/4 hours sleep pattern are sooooo tiring that I hope we all can end this semester healthily. TT

They said this is kinda like a preparation for our internship. They said this semester is really intense which I could not deny this, and they said if we could handle this very well, then we probably can handle industry stress well. I mean, yeah let’s see if I can survive this semester well?

‘You are doing great, dear self.’

Everyday, I whisper this. Hoping my little fighter self could pass the day positively. Despite, how many broken infrared I did that day, the inconsistent sensors which are sooooo tiring, I do feel I am incapable of completing the project and I was so depressed. How could I gonna perform well later in the future? This is so depressing.

‘You are doing great, dear self.’

I said it is okay, to not be perfect, cause nobody perfect. You are strong, you are worth beyond the thousand reasons why. You gotta get up and make a move cause the world needs to see what you get to show. Cause nobody like you, cause there is only one you.

Dark Confession

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It has been an exhausting and a tiring month for me. I have been on roll doing my final year project and the stress is getting on my nerve, I almost give up. Actually, I do give up. I slept for days and get back on track. The cycle rotates. I hate the fact that I can’t fix some coding. It makes me question my entire life why do I have to do this. I am barely surviving degree. The coding world doesn’t seem right for me hul. I am being super sensitive lately and I don’t like it too. This is a long list confession of mine. Think whatever you want because they are just merely my opinion.

  1. Expectation kills. Big dreams kill you.
  2. Some other people just really think, a backup plan does really exist? Sorry, sure it is not me your backup plan. This type of people is really hopeless. They must really think life is easy? If you want something, work hard for it.
  3. Some people really like to compare themselves with others. If we are going to live like this, please don’t ask others later on, why there is so much emptiness, so much sadness.
  4. Stop making excuses for yourselves. You can’t grow up like that. You just don’t grow up. at all.
  5. Stop making things so forced.
  6. There are people, listing 1001 reasons on why others can make it, instead of why they themselves can make it. Stop it. If they can, why can’t you?
  7. Everyone has their own silent battle, a chapter that they don’t say it loud. Respect that.
  8. If you want to help people, just help them. Why are you helping when all you do is bragging later on? Why people why?
  9. Don’t underestimate the others and don’t overestimate yourselves. Be modest.
  10. Some people really don’t get it, and the other some people just can’t get (over) it.
  11. You do whatever it is within your capabilities, for you own satisfaction. So, it is (will be) the reason why you should hold it on. Not because of others are doing it. Not because of it is the trend. You know yourselves better, why lie?
  12. Sure everyone has their own eyes and mouth. They see and they talk too. Keep everything that is bad to yourselves. Sure everyone can see it themselves. So stop badmouthing other people. Stop running around unfounded rumors. Do you really have that much time? to do such things, guys?
  13. So many us, wanting a good life. A good partner. A good result. Ask our own self, honestly are we deserving enough? We can’t portray a good life, with us running around and joking about others’ flaws. We can’t have a good partner if we ourselves don’t have any effort on becoming a better person. Let’s think and do something about it.
  14. Stop making the unfounded assumption.
  15. Stop play victim? We need to accept and start checking on ourselves if things/people always go against us. I mean, there must be a reason. It might be something is wrong with us! Not them.
  16. Be yourself.
  17. Of course, the good character that matters the most, the others will just be faded in time. Choose your future.

 

Depression is real. Bye.

705 : A letter for you

It is 5th of July today. I’m sure you have inspired a lot of people out there throughout 23 years of your life. It gonna be a big lie if I say only myself did think so because having my life always so close to you, I swear I only gossiped and heard good kinds of stuff about you. (how possible this is actually?)

I don’t know if every younger sister out there also feel the same way towards their older sister like I do towards you, but I find myself adoring you since my childhood days. Back then, I always said to myself

“I should study hard, I want to be cool like Angah too” 

“I want to get straight As..”

“I wanna be a foundation student too…”

Little did she know, that every single thing she did become my goal and I kept on wanting whatever her achievements were, as the goal not knowing what I myself truly want. Just how much she means to childhood days of mine that I idolized herself a lot.

She was an inspiration.

Growing up together from the first day of school (preschooler) until the primary school days were all about her I told you. I was so surprised when the first time I experienced this: she taught the other preschoolers and I (I was 5 and she was 6 yo) that ABCDEFG… with a rotan guys at the front of the class with white board things. She was so determined and her voice was so clear I told you that I couldn’t believe she is my sister. I mean, she is my tarik-rambut and WWE partner, guys. After that, I knew that she would be the only one to replace Cikgu Shima when Cikgu Shima went out for a while. The surprise feeling became no more surprise, little me went all ‘AAAAAA, BBBBBB, CCCCCC’ all loud at the back of the class and went around boasting, hey…look at yah you know that’s my sister over thousandth time every time she was teaching. So annoying plus so extra me, I told you. The other some day, I went all silent, I was playing a doll and she was teaching at the front. So opposite of us. I knew she didn’t notice me cause if I let she found out, I’d literally…..

She was always the most stand out person in whatever she did. She was the face, center, leader, voice and even a state’s conductor for Perlis choir’s team. Meanwhile, I always went WOW that’s my sister all the time. I also joined whatever she joined because of how curious I was and ofc I knew that every spot she has been chosen as wasn’t an easy task at all. How can she be my biological sister? (read: grateful sister here)

She is an inspiration.

She came to Malacca, visiting me when she was UM’s undergraduate. She met my friends. She slept on my hostel just to feed her curiosity on how’s my life there. I don’ told her this but deep inside my heart, I knew she worried a lot. She was so friendly with my friends, they even liked her more than they liked me. (rakan-rakan ku is sooo tak bersyukur LOL) She came about 2 days (weekend) but it seems my friends were all praising her. Even until now, they keep asked her news. Not that I’m jealous or what, but I knew this would happen. Wherever she goes, people just like her. She is everyone fav!

Today, she already in somewhere, will be experiencing new things, she is the first to work among us three! I was so excited that only my roommate in Malacca knew how much I  want her to pass that scary interview phase. Alhamdulillah, I hope she copes well there! I know she will but still..I am wishing her the best, ANGAH.

I hope you have the happiest birthday ever. I hope you know that I’m very thankful and sorry for everything. I am writing this not because of your birthday. I am writing this, hoping that if you read this when you are so upset or down one day, (I know you won’t tell us till it is solved), know that almost everyone I grew up with, who know you, never once talk bad about you, how they wanna become like you as much as I do, I mean how great you have been and always be the great version of you. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t let anyone make you forget how far you have come and how precious you are to us!

 I found this word somewhere on FB. I really like this quote that somehow reminds me of you:

You cannot blend in when you are born to stand out!

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HAPPY 23th BIRTHDAY (MY OWN VERSION OF LITTLE LOFA KEKE) KASHAH 🙂

apapun keberhasilannya..di bidang apapun semoga bisa membela agama kita

semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan aminn.

byebye.

#0507

WRAPPING UP THE THIRD YEAR

Hi, everyone! It has been a while 😀

I am currently in my semester break phase and I am in holiday mode that means pardon me for all of the blue-ticked messages. I am enjoying my ‘me time’ so much like hello where is my phoneeeee hahahah. You guys too, put away your phone this holiday heheh. I mean yeah, as we all know we are in the busy month for us Muslim, so it is good to take a break from this hectic worldly life. Tone down our time with social media a bit 🙂

And, the major highlight of this blogpost is TADAAAAAAAA well-done dear self, WELLDONE! YOU’VE SURVIVED THE THIRD YEAR ENGINEERING SCHOOL. *pat myself* you have suffered a lot :’) Be prepared, a lot more to come in next semester. Cc : PSMII

You name it any emotional breakdowns, I have felt them all. But, I am grateful to able to finish this yeah third year of school. I don’t know why I feel like this semester has been a super emotional, tiring and an intense semester for me, that I doesn’t want to remember anything regarding this semester. That is how unexcited I am for this semester. But, I do love to pen out some achievements and events that happened during this semester in case I wanna do some throwbacks. #dramathisgirl

1. PSM-I IS DONEEE

If you have been following my blog, you guys must know that how much I rant about my final year project. (that basically shows that it is a precious task for me that’s y I whine a lot hehe) I am the first presenter and I am so nervous. The whole hours before my presentation are really nerve-wracking and I hate that vibe. But, I can’t control them either. Luckily, my supervisor was kind enough to check my SV-mates (moon, akmal and zul) and I slide presentations and we did the rehearsed presentation two days (Monday) before the actual presentation day (Wednesday).  Alhamdulillah, everything went well during the presentation day. The scary QnA session took almost 20 mins. What I really love that day is that I can answer all of the panel’s question and I am really satisfied. Alhamdulillah 🙂

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2.FINALLY, I PLAY CHESS AGAIN

My faculty held an event called FTKSPOC DAY. Even though I am not a sports person I do love and support sports events. So, when everything was in chaos back then, every sport manager desperately needs the player on their team, my friends and I promised to each other to join any sports. From marathon to indoor sports, we finally discussed to separately joined the sports event since the campaign wassatu pelajar satu sukan‘. I was sooo not into sports even though my physical appearance looks fine enough to be an athlete. Yeah, I agree but I am lacking in skills (untrained) so say no to sudden athlete profession hahaha. So, due to promise we made I decided to choose the long time no play sports, CHESS. Believe me that the first and last time I played chess was during standard sixth (primary school). Of course, there is no wayyy I can regain back the old strategies in one week. I went okay, let’s just play and have fun Anisss.  Alhamdulillah, even though we (team not individual game) didn’t win the game, we all learnt a lot. I have met new friends too. #introvertmeetsfriend The best part is hihi…I was half happy half shy to write them myself but it is okay this my blog anyway hehe, I was invited to be a part of SAF players that is a big deal for me. But, it isn’t official yet since next semester will be busiest days for us, final year student. So, let’s keep that between us first lol.

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3.SUMMARIZING THIS SEMESTER EVENTs

There where we all (my housemates and I) went to KL and Selangor for kenduri. Thinking that we don’t know when will have this opportunity again considering Perlis is quite far from KL and we already the third year student. But, I won’t post any photos here cause hihi they photos are everywhere. They posted it already so I kinda okay don’t post it, me myself get boring hahaha.

Birthday celebration. Okay that’s is common. Everyone celebrate birthday so no picture here haha. It was for March birthday celebration (Kak Niza, Sya and Ecah)

We also had a dinner at Mee Racun after a long time we didn’t go there (reminiscing our old memories of previous semester), the TOMYAM there is da BOMBB! #iloveyoualottomyam #plisnoticeme #ceh

Okay, introvert me joined Explorace Day at Main Campus like yeah I go out, socializing a bit too y’alls. #proudme I have uploaded the photo in my insta hahaha that’s basically before semester break and it was my last updated picture on my insta (because after semester break my life wasn’t normal back then :’))

I joined hmm I forget that but IID competition (UiTM) maybe (I can’t recall them: my brain basically isn’t working well since my last final exam paper) But the point is, the event was held at JOHOR which is my wishlist state ever since I was in the secondary school. Reaching Johor completed all states in Semenanjung I have been to. #blessed (need Sabah only to complete Malaysia’s map #cantwait )

During semester break I joined my high school reunion through an event named, Bakti Schiavona. BEST!

Joined XGTYH EXPLORACE DAY (again, i can’t recall what event it was #postfinalsyndrome) at main campus too. I don’t know why i am being like this, so unbelievable I joined this kind of program but luckily we managed to grab third place even though the hampers were basically had no difference in size and have almost the same snacks. #itisokaywelovefood

Lastly, will be the makan ramai-ramai event with my classmates. This is for replacing the tak jadi BBQ event. But, this time only half of my coursemates joined because it was during the end of the semester (financial-wise), final week (education-wise) on top of that it was last minuted plan so it is understandable (even though it seems empty and incomplete :’))

Okay, photo timeee.

Okay, TADAAAA.
byebye third year.

It is a looonggg semester!

Hi everyone! Today is the second day of Ramadhan. I am all energetic hihi (because the free wifi’s speed here is so unbelievably fast, i download all the dramas uhukkk)

It is almost the end of May tho. I somehow weirdly feel that this semester is like super longgg yet it is so fast that I can’t believe it is almost final week soon! Next week is the hectic and scary study week. #icryyy

Being in this super intense semester, I am glad that all of this will be over soon. It is not that I dislike them very much but the amount of work and the pressure is really big that I swear, I once cried over them. But, it is okay. Everything went smoothly. I had no idea how I survived them. I really don’t know how I survived the present-rejected phase for real this semester. Every subject in this semester somehow giving me a headache but luckily, the lecturers are all cool and considerate towards us that I am so thankful for that.

This week is like the hectic-iest(?) week throughout the semester to the point I skip most of my lunchtimes and even had improper dinners which are obviously not good because this girl is so worried and stressful. Luckily, I survived goshhh. I also have no social life and being all worked up throughout this week with the pile of works and tasks. I might look like I am ranting non-stop but hey, I wanna pen them down cause one day if I dare to give up, I should know better how hard-earned my degree wassss.  So, you Anis better step forward.

I don’t know how should I address this, I feel like yeah we already sent those assignments task, but I don’t know why do I still have the incomplete feelings like ughhh when can I distress myself? Seriously, I questioned myself a lot and I worried this would affect my study week. #prayforme

It is okay, I will eventually survive them no matter what right? Okay, I wanna watch some dramas now. Bye everyone.

Have a blessed Ramadhan!

The Good(s) in the Bad

Hi!

Oh, I know I come here way too often. Pardon me. Blame the stress, please. I get myself a treat to blog for a while, as a stress reliever (this is the most economical method) specifically dedicated to my mental health, myself. I have been in the love-hate relationship with literally everything; my PSM, assignments, food appetite and sleep cycle. I really respect those who have survived degree life. You guys are too superior!

Do you know what are the good things when we are productive? I realize that I have become more careless which is good. I basically don’t even care if something didn’t work the way it should be, as long as it works, it is fine for me then. I didn’t care if I did the work alone as long as it is finished, I am good then. Basically, the goal is to finish them all. I have no time to overthink if whether my thesis report will be rejected or not perfect enough (ofc), instead, I keep correcting, adding info(s) and double working on perfecting them. I mean look, this once an-overthinker, now have less worry and learn to give her best effort. Look at how much myself is improving. #icry The whole process that took my sleepless nights with me in tears made me somehow really wanna get this project to the next level. #itry

I have definitely sleep and eaten less which I don’t know these are a good or bad thing. I mean, well if I eat less, I am not sleepy and I can do work all day all night. #consistentme My work will finish on time. But, ofc it is not a  good habit. I don’t know why I am like this. #pleasedonttellibu I mean, the good is that I am no more craving for foods or drinks like cendol durian, laksa, bihun sup and etc. Now that I don’t even have time to crave over anything, I eat whatever. #mudah

I also feel indebtedness to all my family members when I can’t even utter a word over a phone call. My mom knows my silence phone call. My mom knows all the meanings of my ‘ibu, tirah nak balik boleh?’, my silent days without a phone call from me, that she knows it means that I’m having a super bad day that I didn’t want to share with anyone. Do a mom and the family members always be this perfect?

Oh, that it is.

How about yours? What is your good?

I will blog later, again to continue with my ranting about life.

TADAAA.