The Good(s) in the Bad

Hi!

Oh, I know I come here way too often. Pardon me. Blame the stress, please. I get myself a treat to blog for a while, as a stress reliever (this is the most economical method) specifically dedicated to my mental health, myself. I have been in the love-hate relationship with literally everything; my PSM, assignments, food appetite and sleep cycle. I really respect those who have survived degree life. You guys are too superior!

Do you know what are the good things when we are productive? I realize that I have become more careless which is good. I basically don’t even care if something didn’t work the way it should be, as long as it works, it is fine for me then. I didn’t care if I did the work alone as long as it is finished, I am good then. Basically, the goal is to finish them all. I have no time to overthink if whether my thesis report will be rejected or not perfect enough (ofc), instead, I keep correcting, adding info(s) and double working on perfecting them. I mean look, this once an-overthinker, now have less worry and learn to give her best effort. Look at how much myself is improving. #icry The whole process that took my sleepless nights with me in tears made me somehow really wanna get this project to the next level. #itry

I have definitely sleep and eaten less which I don’t know these are a good or bad thing. I mean, well if I eat less, I am not sleepy and I can do work all day all night. #consistentme My work will finish on time. But, ofc it is not a  good habit. I don’t know why I am like this. #pleasedonttellibu I mean, the good is that I am no more craving for foods or drinks like cendol durian, laksa, bihun sup and etc. Now that I don’t even have time to crave over anything, I eat whatever. #mudah

I also feel indebtedness to all my family members when I can’t even utter a word over a phone call. My mom knows my silence phone call. My mom knows all the meanings of my ‘ibu, tirah nak balik boleh?’, my silent days without a phone call from me, that she knows it means that I’m having a super bad day that I didn’t want to share with anyone. Do a mom and the family members always be this perfect?

Oh, that it is.

How about yours? What is your good?

I will blog later, again to continue with my ranting about life.

TADAAA.

Growing Old

Hi everyone! Happy Friday 😀

Have you ever feeling old?

Nah..I am only 22, I still haven’t figure out my life yet. Nah…I am still young, as long as the number isn’t reached the 30 mark yet, I am still considered young.

Yes..am I really looked aged? I will turn 30 soon, I am becoming old soon enough.

Those might be the answers within us, ourselves.

Turning 22 this year, I had mixed feelings. Aside from the changes in number, I personally hope I am growing inside too. Growing old is a natural phenomenon, scientifically, and to look beyond that, it is also a sign from God that nothing last forever. Knowing this, as a human being, doesn’t it taught us something? How much we so into something, how much we hope they stay, none of them will forever here for us. We should learn that life thought us, it is temporary. Isn’t it?

To look deeper, I always tell myself whenever I get sad, down, hopeless, demotivated, I tell myself, ‘Hey, don’t dwell on it too long, it is temporary, it will surely pass’. Be it positive or negative feelings or things, they are temporary.

As the age is increasing, I hope so do my heart is becoming warmer. How I could express myself better, instead of writing here. How I should trust others more than I doubt them. I hope I could really ask “are you okay?” instead of asking them silently in my heart. I hope I could become a little bit more selfless.

I hope I define everything including myself in my own opinion and not others. Define my life purpose that is yet to figure out and don’t settle for what others said. If someone said xx is too old for marriage, xxx is too young for pursuing a dream, you are incapable, don’t settle for that. We do what we want as long as it is within the religion boundary. We human, have the different lifetime, so what it makes our stories the same then? It is okay to be different. It is.

I hope we ourselves becoming more open in discussing and learning new things. Learning to accept the differences instead of creating a barrier. When we have different opinions and views on something, we accept it as it is, like we want others to accept ours too. Accept that our point can be wrong too regardless how old our age is. Being older than anybody doesn’t mean we always right nor does we are always better. No.

It is a loss for us, to only grow old physically and not mentally. 

And..lastly, we should love ourselves more.

And more.

Bye.